Sparking the Power of i – begin with Introspection

In the first six editions of my blog, I have delved into the BANI context we have been living in for the last few years, as well as the challenges that it has thrown up for us as professionals and as human beings. And I have unveiled my leadership model, THE POWER OF i – which I believe holds the key for leaders and their businesses to thrive and create positive, sustainable impact in the new, post-pandemic world. By cultivating Inclusive Leadership, organisations can successfully induct and nurture diverse talent and unleash the true potential of every individual in the system. Combining people with different and complementary strengths, skills and perspectives will spawn innovative problem solving and harness the multiplier effect of collective will and action (minus the constraint of group think).

As I experience and see it, building inclusive leadership involves three things – introspection from within by individual leaders, inspiring diverse others so as to leverage diversity, and institutionalizing this way to make it scalable and sustainable. In this, the seventh part of my blog, I want to deepen the thinking and conversation around the first of these – INTROSPECTION and the power of its impact. And because this is fundamentally about individuals, and enabling them to grow through reflection and experiences, I will share my own personal journey with as much candor and courage as I can muster…

As I think back to my life and how it has shaped me, I realise that like every human being, I am a product of my childhood and my early experiences – both good and not so good. I grew up being loved and nurtured, but also taking on emotional responsibilities beyond my years from a young age. As my family and I faced and navigated significant challenges, I learnt to fortify and rely on myself, and focused on achievement as a way to look ahead and aspire for better and more. And over time, that is who I became – ambitious, independent, logical, planful, structured, a perfectionist. I deeply valued stable and anchoring relationships, but I also veered away from allowing emotions to drive my decisions, and from seeking help. I naturally set high expectations of myself and by extension, of others around me. Academic and later professional success solidified these qualities further, challenges and obstacles only served to make me even more determined and resilient. I cultivated and demonstrated many strengths, but I also carried an equal number of gaps. Of these, the two most debilitating ones were – being quick to judge and be critical of people including myself (in a bid to always want better), and being fiercely independent and hence struggling to delegate and also to ask for help when I needed it. I came across as competitive and uncaring, while neither were really true. But few people (in the professional realm) actually got to know the real me. As you can imagine, this didn’t exactly endear me to others… I inspired awe, respect and even fear, but far less affection or liking. Gradually I began to feel the discomfort of being someone that I didn’t really want to be. I still wanted to accomplish and make an impact, think big and enlarge/ enhance things, but I also wanted to collaborate and have fun working with others, continuously learn myself, and add value to others. I had always been reflective, so time and age taught me well. And then I went through a personal crisis that significantly reset my priorities and changed me in many ways.

I had my second baby girl, born three months premature at 780 gms. There followed three months of yo-yoing reality and emotions, of watching her battle to live, not knowing whether she would make it, of grappling with the confused feelings of guilt, anger, deep sadness, frustration, fear and hope. We brought her home after three months in the neo-natal ICU, and invested the next six months in protecting, nurturing and willing her to get stronger. And through it all, I had to retain my stability, composure, optimism and strength, not only for my little baby, but also for my precious six-and-a –half-year old who was bravely being strong, who fiercely loved me and her little sister, and who needed us to be ok. We survived this personal crisis as a family, and emerged stronger. I experienced first-hand what it means to have a circle of love and support surrounding you and holding you up, and I began to believe deeply in the power of the universe conspiring to make things right because so many people are wishing and praying for it to be so… from family and friends, to neighbours and colleagues, and even clients who heard what I was going through, support and good wishes came from near and far, and finally the clouds lifted. My little one grew from strength to strength, and surpassed every development milestone. She became the ray of sunshine in all our lives, with a ready smile and an unparalleled zest for life. And she, and the situation transformed me. I no longer felt the need to be on top, but instead wanted to balance high impact, good quality work along with being an actively present and completely hands on mother. Volunteering in my children’s school and making a difference there became as important to me as a kick-ass consulting project! Reading and coloring with my girls gave me as much (if not more) joy than a professional task done flawlessly! Achievement and emotions came into greater balance, and I became softer and nicer. My work evolved towards greater service – coaching, mentoring women leaders to be more successful and happier, working with organisations to become more inclusive and better places to work at. Is my personal journey of growth complete? By no means. I am a nice ‘work in progress’, constantly learning and evolving, and thriving on variety – of experiences and relationships.

The beauty and moot point of my story is that as I have become more self-aware over time (through introspection – some organic, and some triggered/ forced by circumstances), I have also become more open to others. Working on being more self-compassionate, accepting ‘all of me’ is enabling me to accept and embrace diverse others. Today I enjoy the company of many, very different kinds of people, and seek out opportunities to forge a kaleidoscope of relationships. As I continue to work on myself, while learning to love who I am, I invite you on a journey of introspection and self-discovery with self-compassion.

This February, as the world around us celebrates Rose Day and Valentine’s Day (expressing their love to significant others), I ask that you vow to discover and love yourself (not in a narcissistic way, but authentically, with all your strengths and flaws). This will be a big step towards becoming a highly impactful and inspiring leader…